Night of the Long Shorts

Busy busy busy bees over here in Cigarette Burns HQ.
Night of the Long Shorts is creeping ever closer, but getting ever better.
On 7th August we will invade the Rosemary Branch's theatre and screen some of the best horror shorts we could find, a wonderful mix of zombies, ghosts, brutal killings, sexy ladies and twisted murders await you in our den of video nasties.

I can promise you that you have not seen the majority of these films.
And certainly not shown on a nice lovely big screen.
We're really chuffed that we will have several of the film makers and actors in attendance to say a few words, intro their films and generally liven up the evening.
Check out the Facebook Page for more info.

The great blog Gore Press did a great little write up for us and of course we tip our hat to them with a massive thank you. Gore Press is a well written blog, that deserves your time and among the very few we bother with.

Otherwise, of course we have Wild Zero coming up on the 2nd.


Contray to what the poster says, prizes will be donated by Flashback and the Rio Cinema in Dalston.


Cuz we only work with the bestest people we can xxx

Mega Piranha Reviewed

Words fail to convey the sheer astonishment that overwhelms you when you settle in to watch Mega Piranha.
Hearkening back to the mutated beasts of the scifi classics of the 50’s, mixing in a sizable chunk of 80’s cheese and disregard for logic and firmly placing their tongue in their cheek, SyFy has come up with a true classic of a film.
There is nothing about this film that leads one to believe it was borne out of anything but love for the ridiculous, the special effects are disastrous, but strangely effective, the acting is dire, but endearing, the script borders on the retarded but adds to the flavour, the title, Mega Piranha, tells us, without a doubt, we are in for something special.
Starring Tiffany, she of 80s pop fame, a counter attack to Debbie Gibson’s recent appearance in SyFy’s Mega Shark v Mega Octopus, which, it must be said, is lacking the charm that Mega Piranha has. Tiffany plays a scientist who has been trying to genetically modify food stuffs and though, quite understandably, that if she is trying to grow giant corn, she ought to test this out on animals, before she starts messing with the corn. What better animal to mess around with than the piranha? I mean, they are only little, seem cute and harmless, what could go wrong by making them bigger? As it turns out, quite a lot. They will pretty much eat anything, boats, big boats, submarines, helicopters and for a change, even towns. Indeed, nothing is safe from these mega piranha who just keep growing and growing and growing.
But all is not lost! No, Barry Williams aka Greg from the Brady Bunch, steps in as some shady top US Government official and sends out his top man, Special Agent Fitch, played by American Soap Opera Star Paul Logan, to save the day. Fitch wastes little time in literally kicking some piranha ass, but complications arise when the Venezuelan military decide to unleash all hell on the river containing the piranha and in a hail of helicopter delivered bombs, missiles and bullets, releases them into the ocean, where they set a course for Florida.... as piranhas are known to be fans of sun bathing and frat parties, it only makes sense.
All hell has broken loose, the hounds have been released and even the might of the US Military can’t save the world!!!
Will Tiffany live to sing another day? Will Greg Brady ever get laid?! Will Fitch be able to kill the Piranha and save them all from a fishy death??!
Well, you’ll really really have to see the film to find out.
Conveniently for London based folks, the lovelies at Way to Blue have set up a special screening at the Alibi on Kingsland Road in Dalston on 12th Monday.
I strongly suggest you head down there for some insane, pointless giant fish fun.


More piranha action here

Film4 Frightfest line up announced

The men behind the curtain have finally revealed what August Bank Holiday holds in store for us all, more info here

Personally looking forward to this one on the Bank Holiday Monday

Everything on the interweb super motorways should be free

Though the Powers That Be seem to disagree, kicking back with all their Luddite like fear of changing with the times, it appears that slowly but surely they are bending. Releasing their Vader grip and allowing us more free stuff.
Free stuff is great!
Who doesn't like free?
Cigarette Burns is free and who doesn't like us? (rhetorical question so don't bother)

Though it is sad and regretful that places such as Archway Video have been hit hardest by our ability to get every film we could want without ever having to leave the comfort of our chair, it's inevitable. As we mourn the passing of our dear friend the VHS, we will soon wax lyrically about the video shops that once contained those treasure.
But such is progress, we must move forward or die forgotten.
To that end, I am pleased to thrust another sword at the hearts of the soon to be past and share a lovely little secret with you:

How fucking awesome is this!?!?!?!
Here's the list of films and the release dates, from which point they will be available for a year, for free!
Ju-On White Ghost (2009) - July 5th
Ju-On Black Ghost (2009) - July 6th
Tokyo Gore Police (2008) - July 7th
Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl (2009) - July 8th
X-Cross (2007) - July 9th
Starfish Hotel (2006) - July 12th
Samurai Princess (2009) - July 13th
Goth: Love of Death (2008) - July 14th
Battle Royale (2000) - July 15th

Anyone wanna pop round to mine on the 9th for some X-Cross action?


Plus Day of the Dead will be available from the 15th as well.

I have been spending several late nights wandering through Indie Films Online and not getting enough sleep.

Enjoy!

Mike Sutfin

Seems that Mike has awoken from a period of locking himself in some remote cave where he has been busy pounding out one spectacular bit of artwork after another.
Check out Mike's stuff at his blog.
He's nearing completion and release of his first vinyl toy, Mad Battle Man, in the making for over a year and with an intensely detailed sculpt, you know this will kill when he hits it with his magic warrior paintbrushes.

Battle on, indeed.

Aside from being a wicked artist, stand up guy and all around good egg, Mike was once in Charles Bronson, check some of that shit out and get your ears bleeding!

Weer all crazee now

Psychosis is hitting DVD next month, looking like a mash up of Polanski's classic Repulsion, a touch of Peckinpah's Straw Dogs to me the most important element is the metalhead and the fake punks. Seriously, I say bring back the 80's. I want punks and metalheads throwing horns guzzling booze and getting their heads kicked in.


Charisma Carpenter, of Buffy and Angel fame (but more confusingly not related to John as the name and career might suggest) has moved into a lovely new home, which may or may not be haunted. Regardless, the local alternative scene seem pretty intent on driving her mad while her husband, British model Paul Sculfor, plays dumb.



We also get loads of kids looking tough in the trailer.
Check out Mr Metalhead's hard as nails DIY work.
Obviously at this point, we know Carpenter is seeing things. No Metaller worth his denim would be caught dead painting window trim white.
This hits DVD on 19th July.


Cigarette Burns loves a good dose of British horror and we're massive fans of the newest wave, so we will definitely be keeping an eye on this one.

Triumph or disaster?

Predator is back.
Those three words teeter on the edge of glee and terror. So many films are being revisited, most unjustly. Remakes, like Friday the 13th are more often than not a waste of time. Predators, even with Adrian Brody, looks like it might be ok. The combination of Robert Rodriguez and the scariest man on earth, Danny Trego might be just enough to pull Brody back from his terrible (yet delightful) excursion with Argento in Giallo.
Watching this trailer, I can't help but hope that the Predators win. What a wonderful way to mix things up. We all prefer the Predators to their human counterparts anyway, don't we?
The ultimate anti hero.

He's figured it out!!!

So there are all these scripts and films lounging Development Hell, unlikely to see the light of day or even get a chance to dip their little toes into the swirling Seas of Cinema. Many of these are films that, you know, maybe shouldn't be made, some are films that for whatever reason, no one can quite get their heads around.
Every now and then, a visionary steps forward and says "Fuck you all! This is a film that MUST be made." No matter how ridiculous. These are the films that we at Cigarette Burns thrive on.



Case in point - Mega Piranha, Tiffany's latest salvo in her long running teeny bopper war with Debbie Gibson. How could Debbie Gibson get to be in Mega Shark v Giant Octopus and not expect retaliation from Mall Queen Tiffany? She couldn't have thought she was alone, now, could she?

The same folks that brought you the aforementioned epic battle of oversized sea creatures are brightening our lives with this gem. Asylum are known for capitalising on other people's fortunes by releasing low low budget interpretations of recent blockbusters, and Mega Piranha is no different with Alexander Aja's Piranha 3D on the horizon, why not pump out their own?
It certainly looks like we have a classic on our hands. I wasn't very sold on the Mega Shark v Giant Octopus trailer, but this trailer has genius written all over it.



That, my friends is how you make an entertaining trailer.
We could go through that point by point and single out every gem of greatness that is tucked away inside those 90 seconds, there's loads of them... From the realisation that it wasn't terrorists to the under exuberant "fire" - brilliant!

Limited London theatrical release from July 16th with a DVD release to follow on August 9th.

Game on!!!

A few years ago Marvel finally got their act together, special effects were finally up to the challenge and we reaped the rewards of super hero films that actually entertained.
Spiderman was no longer being hoisted up the side of a building, the X-Men could take on Magneto with laser beams & telekinesis and the Fantastic Four were able to send the Human Torch flying through the streets of New York City.
The defining moment for me, the moment when I knew they had this covered and could make the panels come to life was when The Silver Surfer flew through the Lincoln Tunnel (or was it the Holland?)
There have been some duffs along the way, but that was down to scripting for the most part, something that has always baffled me since the scripts and the story boarding has already been done for most comic book sourced films, but I digress.
This year saw the release of a new beast, a beast destined to redefine the genre, possibly more than Christopher Nolan and his Batman films. Dark and gritty though they are, they should always have been that way, (Tim Burton's films and the subsequent franchise really just modernise a dated 60s TV show) Nolan just proved that dark was commercially viable.

No, this year saw Kick Ass, kick ass.
Any comic book fan would be telling you one giant lie if s/he said they'd never lied back on their bed and fantasied about fighting crime, or being the villain. Kick Ass was something one could relate to, it did what films are meant to do, it allowed us to live out our fantasy and it did it flawlessly.


Today, Edgar Wright's Scott Pilgrim Vs The World sees it's UK trailer officially released exclusively through The Guardian.
And holy trailer Batman!!! This looks set to seriously upset the Kick Ass apple cart.
Combining the superhero genre with the video gamer's mental power bar is a stroke of genius, but then what else would you expect from Mr. Wright? He was toying with this stuff back in '99, more than 10 years (holy shit! Really?!) on, you bet he's got his shit together!!! And with a track record that reads like a list of desert island must haves, I see nothing but win for Scott Pilgrim.

Check out the trailer at The Guardian's page here and while you're there... you might was well watch the Kick Ass trailer again, ya cunts!

Fishmen

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