Saturday, 10 July 2010

Mega Piranha Reviewed

Words fail to convey the sheer astonishment that overwhelms you when you settle in to watch Mega Piranha.
Hearkening back to the mutated beasts of the scifi classics of the 50’s, mixing in a sizable chunk of 80’s cheese and disregard for logic and firmly placing their tongue in their cheek, SyFy has come up with a true classic of a film.
There is nothing about this film that leads one to believe it was borne out of anything but love for the ridiculous, the special effects are disastrous, but strangely effective, the acting is dire, but endearing, the script borders on the retarded but adds to the flavour, the title, Mega Piranha, tells us, without a doubt, we are in for something special.
Starring Tiffany, she of 80s pop fame, a counter attack to Debbie Gibson’s recent appearance in SyFy’s Mega Shark v Mega Octopus, which, it must be said, is lacking the charm that Mega Piranha has. Tiffany plays a scientist who has been trying to genetically modify food stuffs and though, quite understandably, that if she is trying to grow giant corn, she ought to test this out on animals, before she starts messing with the corn. What better animal to mess around with than the piranha? I mean, they are only little, seem cute and harmless, what could go wrong by making them bigger? As it turns out, quite a lot. They will pretty much eat anything, boats, big boats, submarines, helicopters and for a change, even towns. Indeed, nothing is safe from these mega piranha who just keep growing and growing and growing.
But all is not lost! No, Barry Williams aka Greg from the Brady Bunch, steps in as some shady top US Government official and sends out his top man, Special Agent Fitch, played by American Soap Opera Star Paul Logan, to save the day. Fitch wastes little time in literally kicking some piranha ass, but complications arise when the Venezuelan military decide to unleash all hell on the river containing the piranha and in a hail of helicopter delivered bombs, missiles and bullets, releases them into the ocean, where they set a course for Florida.... as piranhas are known to be fans of sun bathing and frat parties, it only makes sense.
All hell has broken loose, the hounds have been released and even the might of the US Military can’t save the world!!!
Will Tiffany live to sing another day? Will Greg Brady ever get laid?! Will Fitch be able to kill the Piranha and save them all from a fishy death??!
Well, you’ll really really have to see the film to find out.
Conveniently for London based folks, the lovelies at Way to Blue have set up a special screening at the Alibi on Kingsland Road in Dalston on 12th Monday.
I strongly suggest you head down there for some insane, pointless giant fish fun.

More piranha action here

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